This newsletter took all of June to write. A lot has been happening in the world and in my universe. The thing I want to talk about is the state violence surrounding ICE. I’ve been hearing a lot of “We meant criminals” chatter in real life and online. And to this I say, “Did you not consider the definition of criminals? Or who would be doing the defining?” When people ask me, which someone did recently, where my family comes from I say I am Mexican - my dad immigrated from Mexico in his teens and my mom’s side is from Texas where the border crossed us. I do not like to give that inch that Mom was born an American. She was. But that erases the legacy of us being there before it was the USA. It also continues the erasure of what it means to have been raised as a Mexicana in Texas in the middle of last century. The No Dogs, No Mexicans signs. The no Spanish laws, especially in schools. And don’t get me started on Latinos, especially Mexican Americans who sign up to be ICE agents. Surely this could be the whole newsletter, but I told you this one was about selfies, so let’s get to that. Don’t think I haven’t been in agony over this whole violent situation. Stay safe, friends. Find your local ICE watch and join up.

If there is one subject I’m an expert at it is selfies. So I was excited to read Leora Tanenbaum’s latest, Sexy Selfie Nation Standing Up for Yourself in Today's Toxic, Sexist Culture. Tanenbaum has been writing about slut-shaming for years and her Instagram account features videos of her discussing a wide range of slut-shaming cases that make the news, especially dress code violations in the work place and schools.

She digs into the reasons why one would post sexy selfies from just feeling sexy, pressure to keep up with peers, reclaiming one’s sense of self after a traumatic experience, and sex work.

Sexy Selfie Nation is a great insight into why, mostly Gen Z women, take selfies and post them for the public to see. Tanenbaum debunks some myths, tackles “she was asking for it” culture, all the while pointing out the actual danger that lurks within online culture. As the mom of young woman, I felt the same way when it was time to allow her on to the internet. Despite having an online presence for my entire adulthood, I was absolutely, “I KNOW TOO MUCH!”

Tanenbaum addresses this parental instinct with firm grace. Whether your daughter (people rarely police sons) posts sexy selfies or not, when you police their appearance for sexiness YOU make it an issue. Time and again, Tanenbaum talked to young women who were not aware of their sexual powers until a parent or family member policed them. And what results is not cautiousness, but shame. If you have ever told your daughter to change her clothes, go reread that last sentence.

In the end, educating those who post selfies with the risks and rewards is the best course of action. And Tanenbaum walks us through the logic with research and voices of those who are already doing so. This would be a great read if you are worried about the young women in your life and their selfies.

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How I am Persisting - Books

Runs in the Family An Incredible True Story of Football, Fatherhood, and Belonging by Deland McCullough and Sarah Spain is Deland’s memoir, even if it is written in third person. He was adopted by a couple in Youngstown, Ohio and then raised by a single mom after a divorce. The family struggled throughout Deland’s childhood, but football was his outlet. He eventually earns a football scholarship and tries to break into the NFL. The details of his journey is what will keep you enthralled, especially knowing that after Deland is grown he decides to look for his birth mother. After he finds her, she tells him who his birth father is and he is SHOOK. It reminded me of a local story where a man discovered his birth mother ran the bakery he was a regular at. This is the perfect book for a family read. It has football, class struggles, adoption, and the journey of a Black man to find his place in the world. Basically is has something for everyone. I did find the book a bit long in spots, but the pay off is so worth it. Make sure to have some tissues on hand.

Nobody in Particular by Sophie Gonzales looks like a fluffy queer YA romance novel and a lot of it is. But it also a novel about grief, that time when you are old enough to know better, but not old enough to take full control of your life, and figuring out what you want to fight for in life. Not just royals are bestowed with lifelong obligations that once you are old enough to question you should be allowed to choose to continue to fulfill said obligation or role. It is also so full of yearning that I cried many good cries. Rose and Danni are adorable as they fall in love and then as they fight to keep it. Also a good lesson in keeping your nose outta other people’s business.